i have issues

i seriously have issues.
issues of what sort you may ask. i just don't know how to describe them or more to i am unwilling to say what it is but yet i still want to pour out a portion of it.
so there, i have issues.
so please bear with me while i am still stupidly stuck in it.
countless of times i tried tackling and thought i have tackled and have got over it and behind my back and up come it resurfacing.
that's probably because how i always run away from my problems. please! listen, you have to face your situation and solve it. and running away/escaping is not considered a solution.

*****

two matches.
both were lighted. one was blown out straight after it got lighted up. the other was left burning almost until the edge.
what's the difference between both match sticks?
one weaker than the other.
don't let the flame burn you like the second match. cause combustion needs energy and the anger/flame in you will just use up yr energy you know.

*****

forgive and forget.
you know how ppl say you should forgive and forget?
i heard this different view point from the same person who told the match sticks story.
ppl forgive, yes. but they don't forget. we learn from past mistakes.
we don't forget not in the sense that we bring up past matters again and again to irritate someone.
but more like, if you let this teenager babysit your kid and he/she trashed yr hse by having a massive party. you're not likely going to have the person babysit again the next day eh.



so the conclusion is i have issues now.
forgive me in anyway i have hurt anyone. i am in the process of getting rid of that issue.
please be patient with me.

ranting

ranting....ranting....ranting....
i hate it when i am so unproductive and to top it off i think i am. which leads to more unproductiveness. why am i like that? such a lazy assssss......
if i could find any teeny excuse not to do what i'm suppose to do. i'd do it. it's like wired in me. so crappy!!!!!
and what i do best afterwards is regret!
seriously i have no idea how many times i've gone through this cycle. but it just comes around again and again and again and again. without FAIL! congratulations JIE JING TAN!!!!!!!

ok enough ranting. back to productive stuffs.

its a warm day

hey its my parents' bday today! happy bday to em....whether they will see this or not.

its another day in palmerston north and i'm still very keen on writing blog and very enthusiastic *amazingly* and btw, i am freaking hungry damn it!i dun wanna eat and get fat! ok, moving on, what happened today?? its pretty much of a getting out to know more ppl so you don't get stuck with yr own click kinda day. i told yesterday that i was freaked out,just so afraid that ppl wouldn't like me and be my friend. but well, these days i don't know why but i keep trying to be positive and confident. i wanna believe that as long as i am cheerful and confident, everything will just turn out alright. i dunno if i'm actually pretending to be cause i'm starting to think probably i can't do this for long really. i'm not usually the one taking initiative to introduce myself or anything like that. i mean its good but i'm afraid i'll be sick of trying to be so so positive. ah....i dun wanna work so hard to get ppl to be friends with me. like almost like i'm not being myself. damn it!i dunno what i just wrote there. was i being pretentious??all i wanna do is to make friends around. what the hell..

and i just figured out today that lectures are gonna start....WHAT?! next week?!! yes it was super stupid of me,i should have known it was about to start. and suddenly THIS sinking in made me think. think. think and think. cause all along i was not homesick or sad yet. cause the fact that i'm here to study and to be stressed has not sink in. well, i think that the fact had very much sank in today. i was so tired from all the activities today(although i think they were quite fun, just that i felt a bit out of place) and went grocery shopping and shopping for necessities that i figured i wanna be back home. then i wouldn't be you know, feeling this lost and tired but can't help it.

classes next week isn't gonna be easy either. i am hoping for the best and i wanna stay positive without being pretentious.*wishes that my dreams stay big and my worries stay small*..

i'm too lazy to cont now.lets call it a day.