teach me to write in a way that nobody understands

i want to write but can't.

putting together the right puzzle pieces

what do i want in my life?have you asked yourself that question before?
yea most of everyone would have.in the sense that what you wanna study.what you wanna do for a living.but beyond that.and beyond that.

what do you want in your life?

what is the ultimate goal?

not just another week spent trying not to fail your papers.or another week enjoying yourself,having holidays,having no worries bothering your mind.beyond all those too.

*i have spent my life so far....now that i am reflecting on it.i have not done much.very little in fact.a whole 18 plus years.have i had a purpose all these while living my life?or was i just following the flow?just follow the crowd.its as if i am following where the traffic led me with no end destination in mind.

it was as if everything was laid out readily for me.step by step.what i had to do was just follow through.i don't think i had really thought it over-what else do i want in my life? what do i want to do? what is missing there?

what i had in mind all these while was simple.do what i have always dreamed of.once,i only searched for fun in life.i wished there were no worries.only fun.most unfortunately,life does not come without worries,pain,sorrow.not that they're all bad or good either.its like part of life.cannot be helped.cannot be changed.

due to the existence of sorrow,so there is also happiness,its counterpart.
is happiness the ultimate goal in life?in my life?in everyone else's life?probably not.
but is it not only normal human search for happiness in life?
is there something beyond that?

will i be satisfied if i just continue living my life as it is?
follow as things come my way.
not searching.
not seeking further.
not digging deepeer within.
not initiating.

no.i don't think i'd be satisfied.
i'm sure chance will come my way as long as i am willing to take it in.
be ready to change.take in something new.courageouos enough to try.

fill out the missing piece in the puzzle perhaps.

is that what i am searching for?

i feel like blogging at this moment.out of a sudden.i am so sleepy really.and its only 12...
so lazy.haven been doing my studying.tried to pay attention in class..not much success.half understand half no.prob less not understood.

list:

• 2 exams next week
• quiz this week
• counselling thu
• library lect thu
• assignment due 24 aug
  
• another assignment gotta be starting
• gotta be thinking bout my practical work
• thinking (improving i think)
• thinking (hmm..ignoring..)
• thinking (taking time..pending)
  

its not really that much of stuffs to do compared to a lot of other ppl really.i am just very lazy.everything seems so delayed.i feel so err.lost?i don't know what i'm feeling.although thgs seem to be getting err..settling down.mist is clearing.have to start focusing.paying attention to my life.leave off some stuffs.kill off funny weird peculiar abnormal strange feeling.feel like sleeping and just forget bout everything else tht is happening.going to happen.had happened.but i'd still wake up tmrw to em anyways.

babbling~

:) :) :)

patrick,penguini,fergus,charmie,benji,genpuin,spongebob,deegan and oscar and timothy(not in the pic)
my loves <3 :) :)