Saturday, February 8, 2014

3 years

3 long years. Never thought I would come back to this place again, it was long abandoned.
Still, after all this time. It is still an awesome place to rant to myself. Where else to talk to myself. How things have changed so much after these years. New phase, new beginnings, new chapter, new challenges ahead. I am currently stuck at the doorway. Looking into a dark room, I don't know where it leads me. Or is there another door at my back, waiting to be opened. I don't know, I'm not sure. Knocking is never easy. For me. Wish doors will just fling open with a red LED sign welcoming me to open it. At loss. I cannot lie to myself to say I am not disappointed. Although do I have the right to say I am in the first place. I didn't earn the right to be. Transitions, transitions. Wanting something to grasp onto. Space. Something called my own. Unsettled. Independence. Silence, like the crickets. Jobless.  How things have moved on, changed. 3 years. Doesn't sound that long. Sure doesn't feel like 3 years ago. People. Me. Surrounding.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

He loved me first

ooh and it's one of those random emo moments again? haha. i was attempting hard at starting my 33.33% worth assignment which is due this saturday. and i am still so distracted as usual. i have been wanting to get it done from early of this week. say monday. and it's thursday, i skipped my lectures to finish it yet i am still procrastinating. thumbs up to myself -____-

decided to give myself a break (more than the time i work i believe) from all those reading journals and articles. it's like those sort of reward i give myself for being a "good girl" --> facebooking! ahah. what more fun and productive then looking at photos on fb. my hobby i tell you. something about photos that just never fails to entertain. stumbled upon this album of people. all the familiar faces in the album. it's a great album that is. most ppl from OCF in there. reminds me of them, the times ppl share together at OCF on friday nights, hanging out at the centre/chaplaincy just for fun, times cleaning up kitchen, washing dishes, drying dishes, the laughter, the dessert, the sincere smile from everyone's heart, the fellowship, the friendship, the love, coming to know the Lord. it's all so amazing. the true love everyone gives out, because You first loved us. i used to think how ppl may not be sincere, and its all just an act. well, i think that crossed my mind before. but You made it all possible, for ppl to love others whole heartedly. yes, i do get tired. but the smiles and laughter i saw from the photos. i could tell they were real. the love in them are real. nothing fakes that. not the best actor. there will be moments we get tired, we are weak and vulnerable. we are human. but You make all the difference. because of You, it's almost as if we can recharge our energy, plug in the adaptor to You and regain back our drained energy.
Lord, i thank You for You have found and saved me. and so loved me although i don't deserve Your love. Lord, i thank You for Your grace and Your mercy that i had known You. thank You for showing me what love is. Amen.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

it's been sometime eh?

ahhh this site is long abandoned. the urge to write isn't as much as before. not that i have ample of time too.
this year has been busy as expected. 3rd year has been notorious with it's gruelling lecture hours and tests and assignments and what not. but i am's not that bad really. but the energy and excitement to be doing something different and adventurous have definitely been reduced. it is easter hols and mid sem break now and all i wanna do is pretty much laze at home...and do some catch up with ppl and also studies. i feel like i just want as much time to relax and be drifted in a slow pace wave before the semester continues and time just seem to pass by without me realising. tests after tests and assignments after assignments.

hols so far has been awesome. went to easter camp (the same site as last year when my life have been changed forever). going back to the same place for the second time (esp if the place has a very special meaning) does feel different. it's the same place, very familiar but somehow different (which includes new toilets and shower rooms :D). as if you're back with as a different person. different role may be a better word. but being able to go back and rmbr of my encounter with Him....that was just simply awesome. (:

george the handsome, same fat lab from last year

and back for a few days and just lazing now. very soon, the time will speed by and the end of the week would have arrived on my doorstep. dang. savour it while i can.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

within or beyond

loud chatter filled the room.
talk and giggles and laughter echoed.
i remember the warm and kind smile, generously offered.
it was not gold nor diamond.
yet it was worth more.
the unexpected, the unfamiliar...
put an end there.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

a truck hit my mind

today smtg smacked me real hard, like right in the face. every word weighed so much, because they were so true. the exact things that i should not have done, i have done them all. the thoughts i should never had in my mind, they were infesting my mind. then i realised, i was looking for treasures at the wrong places all along. i had wrong priorities when i thought i was focused on the right one. but in reality, i was fooling myself. something else was on the top of my list without me consciously knowing it. and everytime someone asked me, i had the right answer, only i was not living my right answer. now that i know i was on the wrong path, i wish to go back on track. to go on the path meant to be followed. the right path. the right reasons. i hope i do not stray off track again but yet again it may be a learning experience. i am sorry and thank you.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


i believe.....
when you can finally say it out. you're over it. and you've released it, and also yourself.
the struggle is to first having the intention of doing so. and a million other excuses preventing you from doing so.
and how every excuse pushes back yr urge. sometimes when the rush comes do just go for it. else when it passes, it just dies down and you start creating new reasons for yourself.

Monday, October 18, 2010


i've been craving for bread these days cz i've been watching this korean drama which involves bread-making.crazy i know me. -___-
and today i was browsing through christ sanctuary blog posts and weekly thoughts and i came across this.there were so many posts that caught my attention really but this one was one of the particular ones.