its a warm day

hey its my parents' bday today! happy bday to em....whether they will see this or not.

its another day in palmerston north and i'm still very keen on writing blog and very enthusiastic *amazingly* and btw, i am freaking hungry damn it!i dun wanna eat and get fat! ok, moving on, what happened today?? its pretty much of a getting out to know more ppl so you don't get stuck with yr own click kinda day. i told yesterday that i was freaked out,just so afraid that ppl wouldn't like me and be my friend. but well, these days i don't know why but i keep trying to be positive and confident. i wanna believe that as long as i am cheerful and confident, everything will just turn out alright. i dunno if i'm actually pretending to be cause i'm starting to think probably i can't do this for long really. i'm not usually the one taking initiative to introduce myself or anything like that. i mean its good but i'm afraid i'll be sick of trying to be so so positive. ah....i dun wanna work so hard to get ppl to be friends with me. like almost like i'm not being myself. damn it!i dunno what i just wrote there. was i being pretentious??all i wanna do is to make friends around. what the hell..

and i just figured out today that lectures are gonna start....WHAT?! next week?!! yes it was super stupid of me,i should have known it was about to start. and suddenly THIS sinking in made me think. think. think and think. cause all along i was not homesick or sad yet. cause the fact that i'm here to study and to be stressed has not sink in. well, i think that the fact had very much sank in today. i was so tired from all the activities today(although i think they were quite fun, just that i felt a bit out of place) and went grocery shopping and shopping for necessities that i figured i wanna be back home. then i wouldn't be you know, feeling this lost and tired but can't help it.

classes next week isn't gonna be easy either. i am hoping for the best and i wanna stay positive without being pretentious.*wishes that my dreams stay big and my worries stay small*..

i'm too lazy to cont now.lets call it a day.